Histories
by Mabby
Summary: Continuing from "The Morning After" A team building night and as Becker, Matt, Connor and Abby all open up about terrible things that happened to them in the past, Matt believes Abby is drifting back to Connor and that he's left it too late to continue his relationship with her


Continuing from "The Morning After", with Abby respecting Matt's wishes to keep their relationship purely friendship, life moves on. But now Matt's beginning to realise his mistake. Is it already too late though?

Matt wrapped both his hands around the metal cup containing a slightly suspect hot liquid pretending to be tea and bowed his head. He knew this trip was a mistake and it was only just starting to get dark.

When Abby had suggested a bit of team bonding, he knew she'd had something a little more conventional in mind like pizza and beers. So when Becker came up with an overnight camping trip it was Matt that had to convince Abby to go along with it.

Almost two months had passed since that night, and the awkward conversation the following morning. He knew he'd been a total idiot; he'd been so afraid of being rejected he'd ended up pushing Abby further away. She'd respected his wishes to just be friends and they continued their regular Friday nights out, but he regretted saying what he'd said and now felt like Abby was drifting away.

He was afraid to watch her; what he could hear was enough. She was laughing; a breathy, girly, flirtatious laugh, as Connor spun a tale about something that had happened to them during their year stranded in the Cretaceous era. They hadn't been a couple for the best part of eight months now, and their relationship had been over months before they officially split, yet over the last couple of weeks they seemed to be getting closer again.

He wouldn't blame them of course. The uniqueness of that shared experience; stranded on the wrong side of a closed anomaly for a year, fighting to stay alive, would bind them together forever. There would be few people who would even begin to understand what they went through and maybe they would only ever be happy with each other for that reason.

"Dinner's ready," Becker said, making Matt look up. He briefly caught Abby's eye and she smiled, raising a questioning eyebrow. He forced a smile back, realising he probably looked completely miserable, and then turned to Becker.

"Smells good."

"Yeah," Abby said. "You surprise me, Becker... or did Jess make this and you're just reheating it?"

"Believe it or not, Abby, you and Connor aren't the only ones who spent an extended period of time living on wits alone in a hostile environment. I learnt a few tricks whilst I was in Afghanistan."

"You served in Afghanistan?" Connor said, filling his bowl with the stew that Becker had been cooking over the fire.

"Twice."

"Wow, I mean... I knew you were in the army before you came to the ARC but I assumed that you were some posh boy officer that spent all his time getting qualifications to rise up the ranks without actually getting your hands dirty... Oh, no offence meant, Becker... I just..." Connor stopped before he dug himself a deeper hole. There was a slightly awkward silence for a few moments as Matt and Abby filled their bowls. To be fair to Connor, he wasn't the only one that had made that assumption about Becker. Most people in the ARC had thought the same. Matt was the only one who knew the full military history of his friend and right hand man. It was why Matt trusted him so completely.

"No offence taken, Connor. I don't really talk about that chapter of my life. There aren't many pleasant memories."

"Well maybe you should, at least some of it. It helps you..."

Matt switched off from the conversation between Connor and Becker, suddenly aware that Abby was settling herself down next to him and leaning in close.

"Are you okay? You've been very quiet."

"I'm fine, you know me, Abby. I'm a listener, not a talker."

Abby placed her hand on his knee and he felt a shiver run through his body, a memory of that night when they'd stood on Abby's doorstep kissing and then stumbled into her flat where things moved on very rapidly. There was a part of him that wanted to pull her into a similar embrace and see where it went this time, but this was not the place.

"Do you think we could put something in Becker's tea so he falls asleep and we can go and get pizza instead?" Abby said quietly.

"It's not that bad. At least it's not raining."

"True."

Matt saw Abby glance over at Becker and Connor and his heart sank. This team bonding night could very well be the push Abby and Connor needed to get back together.

"Should we rescue Becker, do you think?" she was saying. "I think Connor's annoying him."

"All this was his idea," Matt smiled. They both glanced over and saw Becker lean forward and clasp his hands in front of him. He took a deep breath and began to speak. It seemed Connor had actually worn him down.

"The first time I went out there, I was a young rookie. I suppose I was excited in a way, doing my bit for the country. That was why I joined up, being close to the front line in such an emotive conflict that had impact worldwide..." He sighed and glanced round at his three colleagues, all now focussed entirely on him.

"I expected to witness death, we'd all been prepared for that and I think in some ways that made it easier. During the six months I was there, death or serious injury was pretty much a daily occurrence and we became almost blind to it. We had to. It was the only way to deal with it."

Matt nodded in agreement, Becker's words resonating with his own experiences.

"That must have been hard," Abby said softly. "I can't imagine what it must have been like."

"We got through it because we had to. It was what we'd signed up to. I was one of the lucky ones, I came home with nothing more than a few cuts, but that was when my problems began. The things I witnessed came back to haunt me and suddenly I didn't feel so lucky. I wished I'd died with my colleagues in battle instead of having to live with the memories of it."

Everyone blinked and swallowed uncomfortably, not quite knowing what to say. Becker had always seemed a strong person and hearing him say that he'd once wished he was dead was unsettling. It was Matt that broke the silence.

"So what did you do?"

"Admitting I needed help was hard. I was a soldier, I was meant to be brave and strong. I fought it, got angry and lashed out at those around me. I'd been seeing a girl I'd met before I joined the army and she left me after I raised a hand to her. That was when I realised I needed to see a professional."

Becker stared for a moment into the flames of the fire. The others waited for him to continue. When he didn't, Connor spoke up.

"You said you went to Afghanistan twice?"

"The second time was a year or so later. I'd dealt with my demons thanks to the support of some great doctors and got myself promoted to Captain. I was to lead a team from my regiment this time. The nature of the war had changed, and we were assigned to help escort medical teams who were going in to help the civilians caught up in the conflict. I was happy to be away from the front line this time and thought it would be a rewarding experience that would help erase the other experience from my mind."

"Your face says otherwise," Matt said.

"The first couple of times out were fine. We made friends with the medical team, got on really well and there was talk of us all getting together when we came back to England. Then, on our third trip it all went wrong. We were ambushed and..." Becker screwed his face, pushing back tears threatening to fall. "They attacked people who were just trying to help them!"

"Mate, you don't have to..."

But Becker wanted to continue now that the floodgates had been opened. He had never spoke of this incident outside of the army, and he realised now that was wrong. "They opened fire on the two medical trucks, my team retaliated and came between the enemy and the medics, but it was already too late. Both drivers were badly hurt and when a nurse went to attend them she was shot dead." Becker could not hold back his sobs any longer and Abby was at his side immediately, placing a hand on his shoulder. She knew he would not accept a hug, but hoped he'd at least accept her gesture. He placed his hand on hers briefly, acknowledging her presence, then continued.

"We lost a lot of our team that day. Three nurses, a doctor, both the drivers... people who were just doing their job and trying to help. I also lost three of my men during the attack. Their deaths hit me harder than any of the other deaths I'd witnessed. They were people I was responsible for, people I was supposed to be protecting..."

Matt closed his eyes. It explained a lot about his colleague's behaviour and he had a new respect for him. When he opened his eyes, Becker was sitting upright again and gently easing Abby's hand away. He was pulling himself back together.

"I'm dealing with it," he said. "And I realise there are people who have been through far worse than I have... like the ones I'm sitting around this fire with."

"Becker..."

"No, it's true. You, for instance, Matt. I read Connor's report after New Dawn, he described your world in graphic detail. I don't know how I would've been able to live in an environment like that."

"The difference is, I didn't know any different. I was born into that world." Matt shifted awkwardly, realising all eyes were now on him. Becker had managed to pass the buck to him and he was now expected to open up as well. He supposed it wouldn't be so hard. If Becker could do it, so could he. Besides, Connor and Abby had seen for themselves what it had been like for him and his story wouldn't be so shocking to them.

"Even my father only had a vague recollection of life before everyone moved underground, and he'd never seen the sky until we came here. I was nodding when Becker said that you become almost blind to what's going on around you. I was witnessing terrible illnesses and death daily, and the only way to deal with it was just accept it was happening and carry on."

"I just remember the heat... and not being able to breathe," Connor said.

Matt nodded. "Anyone who ventured to the surface needed breathing apparatus if they were going to be there for more than a few minutes, though no-one in their right minds left the bunkers unless it was absolutely necessary. The only living things that could survive in that environment were the creatures you call Predators, and if one of them got into the underground network..." Matt felt a lump in his throat. He recalled the carnage he'd witnessed when the creatures attacked, but he also knew that some would have preferred that kind of death to the slow, painful deaths caused by the various respiratory illnesses that inevitably hit most people.

"We were known to the elders as the last generation. No-one wanted to raise children in that kind of environment by choice, but pregnancies did happen." Matt stopped and glanced at Abby. He recalled a moment too late something he'd seen in her personal file shortly after her return and he realised that what he was going to say would hit too close to home for her.

"But the children didn't survive?" Becker said.

Matt saw Abby bite her bottom lip and glance at Connor, who was also trying to push back his emotions. This would be hard for him too.

"Most pregnancies didn't make it past the first few months, and those that did, the babies were born with terrible deformities or their tiny lungs couldn't cope. The day I left, the youngest surviving human was in his twenties."

Matt saw Abby slide into the space beside Connor and reach for his hand, and his heart broke into thousands of pieces. He'd just pushed Abby back into Connor's arms. She was starting to cry and Becker looked concerned.

"Abby?"

"It's okay, Becker," she said.

"Abby lost a baby when we were in the Cretaceous," Connor said, fighting back his own tears.

"I'm sorry," Becker said. "That must have been pretty horrific to deal with."

"We got through it because we both realised it just wasn't meant to be. We struggled to take care of ourselves, how could we look after a baby?" Connor squeezed Abby's hand.

"I think all along I'd suspected I was pregnant, but didn't want to acknowledge it. I had a period about two weeks after we were first stranded and I was so scared that the smell of blood would attract every carnivorous creature within a mile I couldn't sleep. When I didn't have another, I was actually relieved. I put it down to our poor diet, and the stress of our situation and ignored the sickness."

"I think I knew too," Connor added. "It was a possibility, especially as she was being sick and I wasn't. We always ate the same food so I knew she hadn't been poisoned."

"When did you realise you were pregnant?" Matt asked quietly.

"I woke up with violent stomach cramps. Connor was on watch and came running when he heard me screaming. There was blood everywhere..." Connor put his arm round her shoulders and she sank against him, burying her face."

"I was convinced she was dying," Connor continued. "When I realised what was actually happening, it was a relief in a way. I'm no expert, but from what I saw it hadn't really developed into a baby as such."

Matt remembered the entry made by the ARC's medic in Abby's file. Both she and Connor had undergone medical tests when they came back to make sure they were healthy. Abby had clearly told him about the miscarriage and he had recommended that she saw a professional gynaecologist to make sure there was no permanent damage if she wanted to have a baby at some point since she'd not received any medical attention afterwards. Matt had no idea if she'd followed up on that recommendation.

The mood around the fire was sombre. The four of them all had a new respect for each other and they all had to admit that Becker's idea for team bonding had worked considerably better than a beer and pizza night would have. After a few minutes of contemplative silence, Becker stood up and strode towards his tent. He emerged moments later with four cans of lager which he passed to Matt, Abby and Connor.

"I think we've earned these," he said.

"Oh yes!" Matt said, pulling the ring and downing a long mouthful of the cold liquid. He wasn't a drinker normally but he felt like he somehow needed it tonight. He could see Abby wasn't happy and she and Connor were talking in low voices. After a while, they both said their goodnights and disappeared together into Abby's tent.

Matt tried not to let his disappointment show and he busied himself by starting to clean out the pot that Becker had cooked the stew in. Becker came and stood beside him, having gathered up the bowls and spoons they'd eaten with.

"You and Abby," Becker began. "What's the story?"

"There's no story. Abby and I are friends, that's all."

Becker raised his eyebrows. "I don't believe you. I've seen the way you look at each other."

Matt snorted. "There's no point. You saw her with Connor tonight. They're probably reconnecting right now."

Becker shook his head. "I think you're wrong. They have a history together, and tonight brought back some painful memories. They're probably just talking."

"We should throw some soil on the fire to smother it out." Matt just wanted to change the subject. There was no point even discussing his relationship with Abby now. He'd had his chance and he'd blown it because of his fears after Emily walked out on him. Becker nodded and went to find the bucket of soil he'd already got ready. Matt watched him for a moment, relieved that Becker had taken the hint, and sat himself down to finish the remains of his beer.


End file.
